Kiss5Tigers

The 5 Tigers represent the big things in life. This blog is about facing them.


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Tuesday Afternoon is Neverending

It’s been a Tuesday.

Nothing much has happened, which is fine.

I napped most of the day until about 4, which is not fine. I need to stop screwing with my sleep schedule.

I finally had a stack of stuff fall onto my bed. I have, or had, about 10 rubbermaid tubs stacked against the wall at the end of my bed. One of them has been slowly crushing under the weight of the tubs above it and the shift of having a cat sleep on the top of the stack. I don’t know when it happened, sometime late morning or early afternoon, but I went in my bedroom and everything was laying on the bed. Right where I lay at night, so it could have been worse.

I am being lazy. I still haven’t picked them up and it is after midnight. Of course I’m not tired yet, thanks to all the napping.

Tuesday is a slow day for me. There is a support group but they meet at 10 am which is early for me. I tried very hard to get up this morning but I slept until 9:45 so I just wasn’t gonna make it. I’d like to be more consistent with that group. It’s Recovery International which I find very useful, but since I am up after midnight, I don’t get up very early.

So the upshot is, I don’t get out of the house on Tuesdays and I don’t get to have conversations with people. I miss the contact.

Now the rest of the week is full. Wednesday is group and an online mentorship. Thursday is unemployment orientation, group, and DBSA meeting. Friday I have coffee with a friend. Really this keeping busy thing is the most important part for me. I just need to keep practicing getting up early so I make it on time for Thursday.

I have done some research for peer specialist pay. Apparently upstate New York is considered to pay well, and a friend says they are being offered about $12.50 an hour. I make more than that working for the government, makes it hard to give up the on-call position.

Also I live in Texas, where mental health is not a priority so I’m sure the pay is less. I have learned that the Medicaid billing rate in Texas is about 1/5 as much as other states. But I need that Medicaid certification if I want to work in the field. And I do.

An online group where I belong has just listed addresses for a mail pod. I now have a whole new list of addresses to send stuff so I need to get busy with it. I have a stack of people I owe snailies to, too. About an inch, maybe 2 of letters needing replies.

I am currently reading too many books: Eat, Pray, Love ; Keep Going ; and A Book That Takes Its Time. I also ordered several zines from Microcosm Publishing so I’m reading those, and there are the books we use in groups. For someone with no focus, I do a lot of reading.

Well it’s almost 1 am and I have a bed full of boxes to deal with. Now that it’s getting a little cooler, I might be able to manage. Texas in the summer is not comfortable.


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Making Decisions

Oh, there is such a difference between what is my vocation and what is my avocation.

Or to put it another way, between how I make money and what my heart longs to do.

I love my job. I enjoy helping people. I’ve had such a good experience so far, made friends, traveled. I get paid pretty well when I’m working. I would be very happy to do this job for a long time.

When I’m not working, I attend support groups. Because I am doing well, I often get to facilitate. I enjoy facilitating. And I think I’m pretty good at it.

Thing is, with my job, I can’t commit. My job calls me away for months at a time, which is not conducive to mental health work. So much mental health work is about relationship and I would have almost no notice to put the relationships on hold. Not good for the other person.

Today I spoke to Nikita. She is the group coordinator at the facility where my support groups meet. I work with her in a lot of ways. I have suggested support groups that we need (eg. one for senior citizens since we get so many over 70’s that need a different kind of support). I am helping her set up a meeting for facilitators. I feel like we are peers more than I am a consumer.

Nikita told me that Texas passed legislation where peer support specialists can bill Medicaid for their services. That would mean, I could maybe support myself as a peer specialist. And I would like to do that very much.

Of course I would have to be certified. There are required classes and a certification board. And it costs money, which I only have because of the job.

So now I have to make a decision. I can start the process, but eventually I’ll have to either commit to the government job or commit to being a peer specialist. At the moment I can’t do both. Though at the moment, I am not working so I might as well pursue it. At least as far as I can.