Kiss5Tigers

The 5 Tigers represent the big things in life. This blog is about facing them.


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The Conversations We Have

This is going to be the first Friday of the month and Infliction has a $5 cover charge, so a group of us is going. Infliction is a BDSM club, so it will be quite an interesting night. No link to this one, I’m afraid.

You can tell, I’m not a prude. I’m not having sex in public (who am I kidding, I’m not having sex in private either) but I like the atmosphere. People are just plain body positive. They wear anything, and if you feel good in it, you’re good.

Last time I was there, I ran into my friend J. J is a cross dresser. He’s straight, so he’s not a transsexual. He has a girlfriend, although I haven’t met her. She won’t go to clubs like that so he goes alone. I don’t know if I could be in a relationship with someone that I couldn’t share my whole life with. But it seems to be working for them, so who am I?

Anyway, J was wearing a fabulous red dress and his good falsies, and it was fun to see him. I just don’t expect to find people I know from other venues (comic cons and renaissance faires) at the club.

This will be the second time I’ve been to the club. I’m not looking for anything, just good people watching.

I am thinking of inviting my friend T, just because he needs to get out. He could bring his latest conquest, or I suppose B. She’s a baby submissive. She might be interested in seeing the scene.

So tonight’s discussion around the house, roommates and I, is what you get out of the event. For me, it’s just to get out and go someplace I’m accepted in spite of not being pretty. For L, it seems to be the eye candy. For F, it’s about the exchange of energy.

There is a member of the group who has a foot fetish, and he is offering to give foot rubs to all the ladies. Another member is a little, not a diaper infant although we’ve seen those, but she has a youngster persona. I don’t find that sexy, but I guess someone does.

For me, I think I come across as a top but I am not. I want a man who is a stronger person than I am. I am a queen, but I want a king not a boy toy. I don’t get my jollies being in charge. And I don’t mean a jerk, I mean an alpha. Very few of those, however, and they prefer the hot chick, which I am not.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a great person, I’m just not hot, and I’m mostly fine with it. Or I’d be doing something about it, yanno? I mean, I could work out or something but I don’t. I could make changes to my body, but there are other things I want to do with my time, so that goes by the wayside.

Anyway, we are coming up on my birthday so I am counting this as a birthday outing. We are going for pancakes afterward, so I’m gonna make them sing “Happy Birthday” to me.

After all, if you can’t get a group of perverts to sing to you for your birthday, what’s the point? And yes, I guess I’m a pervert too. It’s what makes life interesting. Just another way I’m neurodivergent, I suppose.


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Brrr. Well, For 4 Days, Because This Is Texas

It’s cold. It’s so cold, the dogs are sleeping on my roommates. It’s so cold, both cats are sleeping next to me, under a blanket. It’s the “under a blanket” part that is unusual.

It’s so cold that I have a blanket over my lap because my feet are chilly. It’s just plain cold.

It was colder today in Texas than it was in Connecticut. Probably the only place colder is Alaska, where several of my friends are working.

Ah, I wish I was working. But that’s another matter. That’s just because I live better when I’m working. Of course, last time was such a good experience, I was quite spoiled. I would do that again, it was that good.

The regular facilitator for DBSA Monday afternoons is gone for the next 2 weeks so I’m taking over for him. I actually like facilitating. I want to get the peer support specialist certification so I can lead more groups. That would be wonderful. Then I can figure out how to get paid for doing it.

I am really pushing for a geriatric group, though we should no doubt call it something else. We’ve had several people who were over 70 come through, and they are dealing with end of life issues that could be addressed separately from the rest of us. I mean, younger people (and I am younger in this situation) don’t really understand in a visceral way what it feels like to deal with your body slowing down or facing mortality. Well some do, some are facing those issues, but not most of us. It’s not that older folks don’t belong in a general depression group, it’s more that they have issues a typical group is not prepared to understand. And being understood is the biggest thing any of us get out of peer-led groups. I know this because we all say it.

Tomorrow is Mardi Gras and I am meeting a friend for early dinner of pancakes. Yep. I am knowingly blowing my keto, but every once in a while that’s okay. Plus I’ve wanted pancakes for a while now. Fat Tuesday indeed.

I sent out a round of postcards, St Francis of Cape Fear, to a list of mailartists I found online. I have heard back from a few past mailings. I hope to hear from some real mail art / fluxus type people, not just the arty-crafty folks. I love the work the arty people do, but fluxus is more within my aesthetic and ability. I am working on developing my eye more. I need to draw, that would really help. Drawing is pretty basic to almost all art.

I am out of Lamictal. I called the pharmacy to refill it and got a message that 2 scripts were ready, I just assumed the Lamictal was one of them. I was wrong. So I called the pharmacy again and was told that there isn’t a renewal available. Now I have called the doctor’s office, but I don’t know if they got my message. I’ve left one earlier today and one after hours since I didn’t hear back from them. I’ll call them again tomorrow. Hopefully I can get back up to regular dose soon. It’s the one that helps manage my mania and I am seldom manic but I don’t want there to be any backlash from missing doses.

Looking forward to tomorrow, Recovery International in the morning, see my daughter, then pancake dinner. Should be a good day.