Kiss5Tigers

The 5 Tigers represent the big things in life. This blog is about facing them.


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New Year, Same Life



I’m not complaining, my life is okay.

When I was young, I somehow had the feeling of one year ending and another beginning. It felt like crossing a border of some kind.

Nowadays, well, time is more of a spiral, no discernible step between one year and the next, it all just slides together. Today is not appreciably different from yesterday. New Year may be now, but new beginnings are when you make them.

I am looking for computer books to help hone my skills in Excel and PowerPoint. I decided to start with Excel. Do you have any idea how many books there are about Excel? Not to mention, several of them ask what version I have. I googled how to find out, and it looks like I have the 2019 version. Only thing is, I don’t remember buying the 2019 version. Does it update automatically? I found a book on Excel 2016 at Half Price Books. It was inexpensive, seemed like a good place to start.

I am also trying out some products from an online buying club. I went to their annual launch presentation today, and I am actually pretty impressed with the company. I’ll talk more about that as time goes on. I don’t want to turn into a Scamway bot.

I wrote another piece for the next issue of This Zine Has Issues. I’ll provide a link as soon as there is one. I know it will be published by Microcosm Publishing. I happen to love Microcosm. I just ordered a pack of zines from them.

Speaking of ordering, I ordered a hoodie that I think is hella cute, graphic with a big cat on it. I also ordered some art supplies.

Ah, art supplies. I keep ordering more like craft supplies but I really need art supplies. That might not make much sense. I ordered, for example, Prima flowers. I love the flowers. They are a scrapbooking product. But I long to make printed papers. I don’t have the supplies (or the space) to do that. I may have to take a class just to have studio space. I really need to start using the stuff I have. I’m thinking of ordering some mirrors from IKEA that would work as substrate.

Work continues. I have a qualifying test on Tuesday for being a 911 operator. I’m not sure I’m really the person for that job but it seems like a place to start. I also have an online interview for an eating disorder counselor. Which would probably be ironic for me, as a fat person. I am going down to the unemployment office to see what they can do for me. They might be able to help with the computer learning. I have applied to MetroCare to be a peer specialist. I need to come up with about $2000 to handle that school debt, then I can finish the degree. I figure if I get the degree and I already work at MetroCare, there’s a good chance of advancing. I am also waiting to hear from the PA cadre at FEMA. They said 2 months, that should be sometime in January.

So, no big changes. It feels like crossing the threshold of the new year should bring a new life, kind of like birthdays always seem auspicious. But truly it’s just life moving on. It is what you make of it. I think I’m doing pretty okay, and hopefully things keep looking up.




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Planning for Spending

I will get paid probably tomorrow (Tuesday). If not, then the day after.

And I like to shop, and to get mail, so ordering online is huge for me.

I think, I don’t need much, though you should see my wish list on Amazon. Apparently I need all the books in the Library of Congress. Or at least most of them.

So, I have the following ideas:

I am going to order zines, from Microcosm Publishing and from Atomic Books. Some of them, even though I find them listed under zines, are more like books.

I want to work my way through a book on mixed media, and I am using it as an excuse to start acquiring real artist’s supplies. That is, for example, Golden acrylic paints with their heavier body and rich pigment, as compared to the $1.59 a bottle craft paint from Walmart. Nothing against that, just I am wanting to move up in the world.

I found this really cool package of Golden acrylics, a sort of sampler pack with a little of everything in it. I ordered that, so hopefully it will get me started. I can always pick up more as I need it from Michael’s or Asel. Or I can order it again.

I am also looking at yarn. Oh my gawd, I love yarn. I love the colors and texture and the way I can take a line and make a 3 dimensional object out of it. So I have 2 carts open for yarn right now, about $150 all together. It’s too much, but I haven’t bought yarn in months so maybe I’m due for a splurge?

Maybe?

Maybe not.

Plus there is a book by Jaron Lanier at Half Price Books that I want. I have looked over about 4 of his books and I want them all, but I don’t read that fast any more. Well, part of it’s the meds, but part of it is simply that print seems so small these days and my roommate doesn’t like bright light so I feel like I can seldom see well enough to read.

But, I need a trip to Half Price Books, and Barnes & Noble is having their half price sale.

Plus I need stamps, which I like to order online because there is a wider selection.

The thing is, I could easily spend $400 on just stuff. I need to keep it under control. I think maybe not going to Barnes & Noble, and just getting the one book from Half Price. Nothing from Amazon. Maybe one yarn order, the other can wait. I mean, I can only use it so fast. And one zine order. Plus the art supplies. I can cut back. I don’t need everything, and things will still be there later.

Shopping is an issue for me with mania, I don’t want to spend wildly and send myself into a manic episode.

Unless I can figure out a way to get more money.


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Tuesday Afternoon is Neverending

It’s been a Tuesday.

Nothing much has happened, which is fine.

I napped most of the day until about 4, which is not fine. I need to stop screwing with my sleep schedule.

I finally had a stack of stuff fall onto my bed. I have, or had, about 10 rubbermaid tubs stacked against the wall at the end of my bed. One of them has been slowly crushing under the weight of the tubs above it and the shift of having a cat sleep on the top of the stack. I don’t know when it happened, sometime late morning or early afternoon, but I went in my bedroom and everything was laying on the bed. Right where I lay at night, so it could have been worse.

I am being lazy. I still haven’t picked them up and it is after midnight. Of course I’m not tired yet, thanks to all the napping.

Tuesday is a slow day for me. There is a support group but they meet at 10 am which is early for me. I tried very hard to get up this morning but I slept until 9:45 so I just wasn’t gonna make it. I’d like to be more consistent with that group. It’s Recovery International which I find very useful, but since I am up after midnight, I don’t get up very early.

So the upshot is, I don’t get out of the house on Tuesdays and I don’t get to have conversations with people. I miss the contact.

Now the rest of the week is full. Wednesday is group and an online mentorship. Thursday is unemployment orientation, group, and DBSA meeting. Friday I have coffee with a friend. Really this keeping busy thing is the most important part for me. I just need to keep practicing getting up early so I make it on time for Thursday.

I have done some research for peer specialist pay. Apparently upstate New York is considered to pay well, and a friend says they are being offered about $12.50 an hour. I make more than that working for the government, makes it hard to give up the on-call position.

Also I live in Texas, where mental health is not a priority so I’m sure the pay is less. I have learned that the Medicaid billing rate in Texas is about 1/5 as much as other states. But I need that Medicaid certification if I want to work in the field. And I do.

An online group where I belong has just listed addresses for a mail pod. I now have a whole new list of addresses to send stuff so I need to get busy with it. I have a stack of people I owe snailies to, too. About an inch, maybe 2 of letters needing replies.

I am currently reading too many books: Eat, Pray, Love ; Keep Going ; and A Book That Takes Its Time. I also ordered several zines from Microcosm Publishing so I’m reading those, and there are the books we use in groups. For someone with no focus, I do a lot of reading.

Well it’s almost 1 am and I have a bed full of boxes to deal with. Now that it’s getting a little cooler, I might be able to manage. Texas in the summer is not comfortable.