I have had the idea of truth come up in my feed several times in the last 3 days.
I like truth. It gives me a firm foundation for basing my life. Lies are slippery and you can’t depend on them. Truth may change with new revelation, but it is always reliable. You can work with it.
I’m thinking of, for example, dynamics in a relationship. The truth of love can keep a relationship together through some pretty rough stuff. And the truth of love dying makes for an even rougher time, pretty often. I don’t know where I”m going with this. But if you communicate along the way, it goes smoother. I’m thinking of Meg Ryan breaking up with Greg Kinnear in You’ve Got Mail, where they realize that even though they check each other’s boxes, they really don’t love each other. And they are relieved! They don’t have to pretend any more. Because they reached truth.
I have had to share some truth with someone today, and it makes me sad. Now I have a LOT of truth to share, I just keep it to myself a lot of the time to make life smoother!
A guy I know asked me out. The big truth, which I didn’t say to him, is that I’m not attracted to him. I don’t know why. He’s not bad looking, he has a job, I’ve known him for a couple years now so I know he’s a good person. He just doesn’t do it for me. But I didn’t tell him that. I felt like that would unnecessarily hurt his feelings.
I did tell him, I am not looking for a boyfriend at this time, which is true. And that I’d be happy to go out as friends, which is also true. I just don’t want to lead anyone on with expectations about kissing or sex when I’m not on the same page.
So I guess I didn’t tell the whole truth, but who knows how I”ll feel in a couple of months? I assume my lack of sex drive is a combination of meds and menopause. Anything could change. I might decide in a couple of months to ask my psychiatrist about the libido issue. Since, you know, I’m thinking I might like to try dating again at some point. Just not yet. Not quite ready yet.
I still feel bad for turning him down. He’s like, someone I *should* be interested in, but I’m just not. And I don’t think he needs to know that. I like him fine, I just don’t like him like that. And I’m not in a place where I feel the need to have a steady boyfriend, or even a friend with benefits. So I have told him this plainly, and if he still wants to be friends, he’ll let me know.