Kiss5Tigers

The 5 Tigers represent the big things in life. This blog is about facing them.


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100 Hats and the Vision Board

First I want to talk a little more about the 100 Hat Project.

The goal is to make 100 hats. I have a bucketful made already. They are for sale, and at the end, what doesn’t sell, will be donated. Probably to the local homeless shelter. You can follow the project on my facebook page, Kiss5Tigers. I will be posting hats several times a week.

I also took a risk today. I want to lead a vision board workshop. I know, it’s a little cliche, but I believe I can actually get paid to do this at some point in the future. I have several friends who’ve done this, none are doing it right now, so I feel like I could get mentored into it.

I proposed a vision board seminar to the community outreach liaison at the facility where I attend most of my groups. She said to put something in writing, and she’ll show it to the director. The director! I’ve never made a written proposal before, so it was a little nervous for me. But I have composed a class plan and included my information about the peer specialist core class I took last month.

I did also ask for a little support. I need poster board, scissors, glue sticks and maybe markers. I already have a ton of magazines, so that isn’t an issue. And of course people can bring their own materials like photos or colored pencils. I’m thinking of posting a GoFundMe. If I can get some money toward supplies, I can take the burden off the agency. I think I’ll look into that right now. I’ll add a link when I’m done.

Added:

Here is a link to my GoFundMe page:https://www.gofundme.com/envisioning-wellness

Now taking contributions!

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Life With the Spirits

Trying to get back in the swing of things. I’ve been to groups almost every day this week. Groups are good for me. Matt was happy to see me at DBSA. I seem to be a calming influence. Jennifer said the same thing at the groups she facilitates. Recovery International was good too. I missed R but I gather she will be back in a couple of weeks. People took time off for holidays but they should be getting back in the swing of things soon.

I didn’t go to a group today. There is an artist group that meets on Fridays but I slept too late. It was raining when I woke up and it just motivated me to go back to sleep. Speaking of sleep, Charli the kitty slept on my lap today. Well, more in my arms, since we were leaning on the sofa. She was so cozy all snoozed out that I took a nap with her. Naps are good.

I had a dream last night that I was trying to put someone out of the house and they said I didn’t have the authority. They did back off but they didn’t leave. I think it was a spiritual thing, and that it has to do with the boyfriend. It’s a whole story, but I don’t want to tell it. Or rather, I’m going to tell it and I think maybe I’ll name a few names, since it seems like at least one person doesn’t need to be protected.

My roommate F has an adopted daughter D. He loves her and she called from Florida saying that she was in trouble and she just wanted to come home. F is protective of his family and friends, so he took off to rescue her. When they got to Florida, suddenly there was also a boyfriend. And a cat named Zelda, but the cat is mostly innocent, being an animal. So F loaded everybody into the car and came home.

I got home from being deployed and was told that the kids were here. That makes 5 of us in a relatively small house with 2 working cars and no jobs, so a bit stressful, but nothing compared to the personality issues.

The boyfriend, Austin, is unmedicated bipolar. He doesn’t like his meds, says they make him a little zombie-fied. I think that means he’s on the wrong meds, but it’s also not the first time I’ve heard someone complain about them. I mean, the point of the meds is to change the way your brain works, that isn’t always comfortable.

Austin believes he has, and I quote, “kicked Lucifer’s ass” several times. Now I do believe in spirits and entities, so I could believe he encountered a demon, but I don’t think he could just beat Lucifer. I think, well, demons lie. Sort of, “oh, yeah, my name’s Lucifer” because the name has power and would invoke fear for people. And beating these creatures gives Austin a sense of power. He is probably not as powerful as he believes he is.

Austin also states he is a dreamwalker, that is, he can affect other people’s dreams. And I had that dream that makes my roommate L think Austin or something around Austin was threatening me. I don’t think I was threatened, I just thought the thing didn’t belong. I do think that whatever it was didn’t recognize me as the authority of this home; it is L’s house and she has fought for it, she definitely has authority here.

So Austin has been asked to leave. I feel a little bad for him and part of me thinks F and L have been a bit harsh, but his energy is just bad and he doesn’t belong here. F and L feel lied to and disrespected, and who am I to say otherwise? I always seem willing to work with bad energy as if I can fix it but of course I can’t.

Oh, I worry for myself, with the spiritual stuff and the mental illness. I think I am not psychotic, but there are psychotic features to mania. My meds should be taking the edge off that, I pretty much don’t get manic at this point, so I think my experiences are genuine. I mean, they aren’t a symptom of my disorder. I want to take it seriously but I also don’t want to push myself over the edge, if that makes sense. There is sensitivity and weakness here, I want to be sure I don’t hurt myself. Everyone has weakness, I just happen to know what mine is called.

I have bought some incense today. Dragon’s blood, and frankincense and myrrh. Frankincense and myrrh have cleansing properties. Dragon’s blood is a personal favorite, plus there are dragons here. L says they work for good, I think they are chaotic neutral. They have their own agenda and they may or may not be helpful depending on how it fits into their plan. Of course I feel that way about most otherkin beings. Even my cats, who certainly seem to have lives of their own that don’t center around me. L says Charli has been so affectionate today because she is protecting me after that dream. I think she’s just chilly since it’s colder today than earlier this week. I may have issues and believe in weird things, but I do try to debunk things as much as I can. I prefer a logical reason to a woo-woo one, but sometimes you can’t tell.

I am planning to find a circle where I can talk about these things. I need people to help me sort through what is spiritual and what is explainable. You know, someone to bounce ideas off.

Because I do believe in other spiritual beings, but I do need to be sure I’m not sliding into symptoms.

Spiritual experiences and mental health breaks can look remarkably similar.


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Can I Do This?

Last Monday, I facilitated a group.

On Monday afternoons, I attend the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance support group, because I have bipolar II, which I’ve mentioned before.  I’ve been going for about 3 years now.  I’ve worked through the book more than once.  I know the answers, haha, as if I could know the right answers to mental health when it’s different for everyone.

The regular facilitator was having a hard day and asked me if I would lead.  None of this is surprising, since he is a peer and the group could be led by any peer.  I said yes, and I was happy to do this favor for him.

It went surprisingly well.  We worked our way through 2 pages in the book.  That may not be much but it included some conversation and it was the end of a section.  Didn’t make sense to start a new section with only 15 minutes left.  The group appreciated the chance to chat during the session.  It was a little more active than the usual facilitator likes, but we have different philosophies.  He is trying to get through the book, whereas I use the book as a jumping-off point.  Nothing wrong with either one, just different.

At the same time, I have been hearing about women who lead seminars to help other women.  I think I could lead one about vision boards and creating goals.  It would be maybe 3 hours, give or take.  Part of it would be about setting goals, where do you want to be in, say, 5 years?  Or indeed, ever?  Part of it would be making the actual vision board.  And part of it would be about sharing our dreams and visions.  I think I could manage about 10 women, and they would have to bring their own scissors since I don’t own that many pairs.  Glue and magazines I’ve got, scissors not so much.

So I am looking for goal setting exercises.  They are surprisingly hard to find.  There are a lot of sites devoted to professional development and goal setting in that regard but really almost nothing about personal goal setting.  The principles must be the same however so I just need to tweak them.  Of course I would need to tweak them in any case to make them my own.  I’m about being inspired by other people, not stealing their work.

I believe I can do this.  It seems very do-able.  It also doesn’t overlap the government job so there should be no conflict of interest.  The first one or two would be free while I get my feet under me, then I would have to start charging.  I wonder if I could even do it monthly.

Words of encouragement and suggestions only, please.  I have enough nay-sayers in my own head as it is.  I could stand some support around this idea.