Kiss5Tigers

The 5 Tigers represent the big things in life. This blog is about facing them.


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Love Cat and Better Days

My striped cat, Charli has been all over me today. You’d think I’d been gone for a week or something. (Sarcasm, since I was gone for a week.) She has been sitting where she can see me or touch me all day. When I am not petting her, she is patting me or even poking me with that one claw, usually in the side of the face, trying so hard to get my attention.

At the moment she is sleeping on the back of the sofa. That means I can take a minute to lean forward and type. She is sleeping so hard, just limp with her ribs rising and falling.

Black Momo and striped Charli, who doesn’t like the flash. Yeah I take bad photos

I ordered a recovery workbook called Better Days. It’s a different kind of workbook. First of all it’s rather thin. Then the exercises are maybe a half page of reading and 3 or 4 questions to answer. But I think it will be perfect for my Wednesday afternoon depression support group. We need something to keep us on track but we like to talk. This is more open ended than a lot of the other books have been.

The back page includes a link to a webpage called Punks In Recovery. They have a book about, guess what, punk rockers with mental illnesses or substance abuse issues called You’re Crazy that looks pretty interesting. I might have to order it sometime in the future.

My roommate is making whipped cream by hand. It’s taking a long time. I can hear that he is getting tired because there is more time between the whisk hitting the side of the bowl. Longer and longer pauses. But it no longer sounds like it’s sloshing so it must be firming up.

I have letters to write and “morning” pages to get to. Supposedly they are written in the morning but I just can’t seem to focus early. I am a slow waker. I fall back to sleep without much effort. But I have Recovery International tomorrow at 10 am, so I’d better get up by 9 at the latest.

Then I am taking to car to the shop. When I picked up K at the airport the other day, the service engine light came on. I took the car for an oil change and had them run the diagnostics. I have cylinders misfiring and it looks like I have an emissions fail. Inspection is due in March so that emission problem is huge. But so is the cylinder problem. Though I’m hoping that’s mostly spark plugs not the pistons kind of thing.

Charli has woken up and is fussing for attention again, so I guess I’m done writing.

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Back to Life, Back to Reality

I hate looking at my visit stats and seeing so many days with nobody coming to my blog. I know part of it is because I haven’t posted anything for a week or so.

I’ve been at a leadership training for work this past week. I can’t really say much about it, mostly because so much of it was not new material for me. A few things were new, like the Johari window or the Katz model.

What are these things? Well the Johari window is a 4 panel grid comparing traits you know you have / don’t know you have, with traits other people see / don’t see in you. Traits you and others see are your arena. Traits that are known to others and not to you are your blind spot. Just as examples. It’s a personality matrix.

The Katz model basically says there are 3 types of skills in the workplace: technical skills, people skills and conceptual skills. As you move up the corporate ladder, technical skills become less important, conceptual skills become more important and people skills stay equally important. People skills make up about 80% of the skill set needed at all levels.

Oh, and the Oz principle. That’s as in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, not Dr Oz. Basically the idea is, you have to take responsibility for your own destiny, and the corollary that if you don’t, someone else will. You already have everything you need. At least that’s what they taught us in class; the books seem to be more about accountability, based on what the reviews say.

Most of this seemed pretty common sense to me. That is, I scored 90 on the pretest, so clearly there wasn’t a whole lot of theory for me to learn. I own the fact that I need lots of practice for putting it into action. I have studied business and management for some time now but I have never had a supervisory position so this will be new for me.

I got to see my friends Charlie and Lenny, so that made me happy. I like those guys and they have been good friends. I have also made a few new friends, I hope, which would be good. (Shout out to Mimi, Doc, Vince and Shirletta.)

I was in the bathroom and got elected table chairman. I did most of the speaking for the first 2 days because every time a question was asked of the table, Charlie would poke me until I answered. On the third day, I finally asked if anyone else wanted to speak up, because I was happy to do it, but maybe someone else wanted a chance. Well Vince did. Then the instructor said we as a class needed to choose someone else to answer so that everybody got a chance to participate. I think my table was surprised that I came up with that idea independently of the teacher. And I think they realized that just because I am low key, I still am paying attention.

In other news, my cat missed me terribly while I was gone. Apparently she realized this morning at about 6:30 that I was back in Texas and started yelling for me. She does yell, different from meowing. I didn’t get back to the house for another 12 hours, but she knew I was almost home. Or so the roommates tell me. “Your cat is psychic,” they say. Maybe. Or just coincidence. You can never quite tell.

My car, however, is complaining. The service engine light came on. I took it for an oil change and the kid ran the diagnostic for me. One or more cylinders is misfiring and it has an emissions fail. This is not good. I hope it’s as basic as a tune up but I am afraid it’s more serious than that. Still, it got me home from the airport, can’t really ask for much more than that. Tomorrow is a government holiday, so I’ll be taking it to the mechanic on Tuesday.

And I have completed the paperwork for Robert Half so hopefully I’ll get called for some temp jobs now.


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On My Way

I’m deployed.

I’m halfway between excited and nervous.  I’ve been waiting for this so I’m excited to finally be called.  Yet I don’t know what I’m going to find, and that makes me nervous.

Roommates are concerned that I will be overwhelmed by the victims’ emotionality.  F took me aside tonight and told me to protect myself.  I know he means to build up a psychic shield, surround myself with white light kind of thing.  Mostly he kept saying for me to remember it’s not my fault, there’s only so much I can do, and take care of myself.

I have packed, unpacked and repacked.  I want to get down to one suitcase.  I figure, they’re going to give me equipment to manage as well as my suitcase and purse.  I don’t want a ton of stuff.  I mean, I do want a ton of stuff, but I can’t manage it all.  I’ll bring my computer, headphones and all.  And my sketch book.  And a glue stick.  I think I’ll throw a pair of scissors in my luggage, since I’ll be checking a bag.

Meds are in my purse.  Contacts and glasses will go in my purse too.  As did makeup.  I did look for another purse and couldn’t find one I liked.  Now I’m glad to have the extra room.

I got to see my daughter E today.  We ran some errands and I gave her my car to use.  I’m not sure about this.  I think, it’s not in good shape, what if something happens while she’s using it?  It gets towed and I can’t get it back.  Then I’m without a car.  I don’t know how long I’ll be deployed, so $25 a day for storage times who knows how many days.  I’d lose the stuff that’s in the car, some printed material, some knitting, all my stuffies.  It would make me very upset.  So I told her, no using the car.  She can use it to get her stuff from V.  But no joy rides.  And tonight she had K pick her up to go visit a friend, so she is trying to respect my wishes.

Charli the kitty is all over my suitcase and she yells at me every time I come into the bedroom.  She is upset that I’m leaving but I can’t take her with me.  F and L will look after Charli and Momo so that’s something I don’t have to worry about.

I made sure F, E, and my cousin all have each other’s phone numbers.  If anything happens, I want them to be able to contact each other.  Not that anything will happen.  It’s a precaution.  I should text them all from my work phone too so they have that number.

I think I’ve got it all covered.   One last load of laundry in process.  Extra suitcase packed in case I’m there more than a month.  I think, I really do think, I’m almost ready.


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Towed

My car got towed last night at 11:10.

I need $300 to get it back.

So here’s the deets:

I live in a mobile home park with roommates.  We have 3 cars and 2 parking spaces.  Usually we just tetris all 3 cars into the allotted space.  Now the roommates own the place, so they get the “real” parking spaces and I fit in across the end of the driveway.

I went out to a support group yesterday afternoon and when I got back, they were out.  I parked on the side of the street in front of the house with plans to move the car later.

Roommates got home about 10:30.  They had been grocery shopping so I helped bring the groceries in.  We finished about 11:00.  If we had been 5 minutes longer, we would have seen the tow truck.

“You’re car still needs to be moved,” said L.  Well.  I was in the middle of something and figured I had time.  I knew the mobile home park had a parking curfew, but I thought it was midnight.  And of course I got wrapped back up in what I was doing and forgot.  Not that it matters, I was probably already towed by the time L reminded me.

So the place wants $300.  I don’t have $300.  I am scrambling for it even as I type this.  I looked at an online personal loan but the interest rate is over 350% and the payments are greater than I can commit to.  I looked into title loans but I drive a 98 so I can’t get enough money.  I am calling in favors from friends and selling a corset on ebay.  I’m going to see what else I can sell.  I have some hats I’ve made and other little items.  I’m really stressed.

Here is a link to the corset, if you’re interested:

corset on ebay