Kiss5Tigers

The 5 Tigers represent the big things in life. This blog is about facing them.


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Birthday in Quarantine

Good news: The covid19 test results came back negative. That means none of us has it.

The less-good news: If we were tested too early, we could still be contagious but the result doesn’t show it. So we are still quarantined for 14 days.

Victoria was told by her work not to come in for at least 15 days. As a restaurant , they are very careful about health safety. During the pandemic they have been putting together food boxes that are distributed among the local food pantries.

Yesterday was S’s birthday, one of the girls who is staying with us. We tried several things to make it special for her. I ran out to Fiesta and bought her favorite ice cream. Another girl gave her a cake. Victoria made a banner that said “Happy 18th Birthday”. And we got her hot wings from Wingstop.

There had been a plan to drive her past where she worked (which is the same place Victoria works) for the kids there to sing happy birthday to her. However, once the bosses found out, they put the kibosh in that idea. They basically told Victoria that she would face disciplinary action for breaking quarantine. Now we don’t see much difference between sitting on the couch together and sitting in a car together, but so be it, the higher ups have spoken.

We are wondering if maybe we are not taking this seriously enough. I mean, I went to the grocery store and to Wingstop. I did wear a mask the whole time but really I should have been home, quarantined. Victoria was planning a driving lesson and a drive-by visit. Maybe we should really be locked in the house all the time. And I know, if the test had come back positive, none of that would have happened.

In other news, a local night spot has closed down. The Lizard Lounge is no more. This makes me sad even though I haven’t been in years. However, they are just dumping their furniture and apparently there are chairs in the dumpster. My daughter has one in the back of her car. So I asked her to go back and get us one. We need a small chair for the living room.

Penny the pibble killed a feral kitten yesterday. It was a sad way to start the day. She is an ex bait dog so no doubt she was first trained to fight, and I know they do that with kittens. Penny kind of can’t help herself, but the rest of us are bummed by it. The kitten was still warm when we buried it.

We are thinking of renting another building to make a home for more girls. It would cost us about $3000 a month to run, so it’s all about grants and donations. If we can get a big grant, or recurring donations , we can start it.

Book club began last night. The book is called “Why Men Love Bitches” and it’s really interesting. The idea is, these are not really bitchy women, they are confident women. They are women who don’t do too much and have their own lives even when they’re in a relationship. Now I don’t mean they aren’t equal partners, but they don’t over do it to try to compensate for some imagined shortcomings. We are all learning something.

So life moves forward even with the quarantine. I am learning to write grants and Victoria is doing social media fund raising. The girls continue to learn and grow. My daughter is doing well. Life is still good.


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Feeling Productive

I called Michael’s today because I had no idea what my hours are. This week I am working Thursday and Saturday. The 2 days I was hoping not to work are Thursday and Saturday. Oh well. Thursday I asked M to facilitate the group. I need to remember to tell him what page we are on so he can prepare. I’m a pantser, I fly by the seat of my pants. Saturday I had plans with my daughter, so we moved them to Sunday.

I finished the fingerless gloves and matching hat. I’ll post a picture later. I’m working on another bucket hat. I love the yarn colors so much, I am wondering about doing a blanket. But the yarn is a little stiff, craft yarn more than garment yarn, so maybe not. Or maybe a car blanket.

I watched a documentary on microdosing with psychedelics. I’m thinking, if I could find a drug trial for LSD, I’d apply in a hot minute. I could use getting some gunk kicked loose in my brain.

I viewed the video of Marney Makridakis‘ class “The Muse vs. Monster Mash”. Enjoyed it. I admit, I did not do the art activities in the real world, but I did imagine them and think about them. The Monster of course is the thing that holds you back and the Muse is the impetus to be creative. My Monster told me he wants me to be traditional. My Muse said to follow my dreams. She says the purpose of life is not to be safe, but to be fully myself.

I went to group today. We talked about creativity. I have so much to learn about being creative. The biggest thing for me is, don’t quit on projects. Keep going to the end.

It’s already November 5 and I haven’t started my NaNoWriMo yet, so I think I’ll just let it go for this year. November is a hard month for me to do this, August would be better. I might just try it in August, actually, the only real difference would be that there is no community doing it with me. I can live with that.

I took out 5 bags of trash today. I got the bathroom, kitchen and F’s trash. Then L asked me if I was taking the trash out of the other bathroom. I hadn’t planned to but that sounded more like instructions than an actual question so I got that one. And F asked me to get the confetti bits out of the shredder bin. So 5 bags. Hopefully back to 3 next Monday.

Tomorrow I am hoping to go to morning group then come home and make art. There is a possibility of being in an art show and I need some art to show. I don’t think I’ve ever been in an exhibition before.

Oh, it’s my birthday on Wednesday. If you’re just dying to give me a present, I have a wish list on Amazon and one on Yozocraft. Not that I expect you want to buy me stuff. I’ll settle for a donation to Heifer International.

Looks like a good week, all things told.


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The Conversations We Have

This is going to be the first Friday of the month and Infliction has a $5 cover charge, so a group of us is going. Infliction is a BDSM club, so it will be quite an interesting night. No link to this one, I’m afraid.

You can tell, I’m not a prude. I’m not having sex in public (who am I kidding, I’m not having sex in private either) but I like the atmosphere. People are just plain body positive. They wear anything, and if you feel good in it, you’re good.

Last time I was there, I ran into my friend J. J is a cross dresser. He’s straight, so he’s not a transsexual. He has a girlfriend, although I haven’t met her. She won’t go to clubs like that so he goes alone. I don’t know if I could be in a relationship with someone that I couldn’t share my whole life with. But it seems to be working for them, so who am I?

Anyway, J was wearing a fabulous red dress and his good falsies, and it was fun to see him. I just don’t expect to find people I know from other venues (comic cons and renaissance faires) at the club.

This will be the second time I’ve been to the club. I’m not looking for anything, just good people watching.

I am thinking of inviting my friend T, just because he needs to get out. He could bring his latest conquest, or I suppose B. She’s a baby submissive. She might be interested in seeing the scene.

So tonight’s discussion around the house, roommates and I, is what you get out of the event. For me, it’s just to get out and go someplace I’m accepted in spite of not being pretty. For L, it seems to be the eye candy. For F, it’s about the exchange of energy.

There is a member of the group who has a foot fetish, and he is offering to give foot rubs to all the ladies. Another member is a little, not a diaper infant although we’ve seen those, but she has a youngster persona. I don’t find that sexy, but I guess someone does.

For me, I think I come across as a top but I am not. I want a man who is a stronger person than I am. I am a queen, but I want a king not a boy toy. I don’t get my jollies being in charge. And I don’t mean a jerk, I mean an alpha. Very few of those, however, and they prefer the hot chick, which I am not.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a great person, I’m just not hot, and I’m mostly fine with it. Or I’d be doing something about it, yanno? I mean, I could work out or something but I don’t. I could make changes to my body, but there are other things I want to do with my time, so that goes by the wayside.

Anyway, we are coming up on my birthday so I am counting this as a birthday outing. We are going for pancakes afterward, so I’m gonna make them sing “Happy Birthday” to me.

After all, if you can’t get a group of perverts to sing to you for your birthday, what’s the point? And yes, I guess I’m a pervert too. It’s what makes life interesting. Just another way I’m neurodivergent, I suppose.


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I May Be Doing Too Much

I am playing with my mood stabilizer and I’m not sure how I’m doing.

I mean, I feel good. Mood is good. Energy level is meh. Sleep is a little on the too much side.

I am trying new things this month.

I tried a new supplement regimen. First is colloidal silver, which is controversial because you can overdose and actually turn yourself blue. It’s called Argyria. It’s supposed to do 2 things in my situation. First it is an antibiotic which clears out the gut. Second it is a conductive metal so it helps to rewire the brain. Not entirely sure how it’s supposed to cross the blood-brain barrier so that could be some hocus-pocus there. Not sure if it has had any effect at all for me. I will finish up the bottle we have but probably not order another bottle at this time. See what changes, and avoid over dosing.

I also added an antioxidant and a probiotic. The antioxidant should support brain health as well as general health with regard to aging. The probiotic is the one I can say is helpful. At the risk of TMI (fair warning: poop discussion ahead) . . . I have had a soft stool for some time now but when I started Metformin, it had the expected side effect, and we are talking some shapeless cow-pie type waste. Like, not quite soupy, but definitely mushy. Since starting the probiotic, things are much more solid and log-like. So I would say the probiotic has been very helpful in keeping gut health improving.

I am also trying some dietary changes. I’m supposed to be fasting every other day, per the diet my doctor gave me. He said not to worry about being strict with that, just take home the advice that intermittent fasting is good for you. I have ordered some additional supplements like protein bars and shakes from a new online shopping club. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Ask me about the shopping club! It’s only $20 per year and the products are so pure and natural. Next month I’m going to try the laundry supplies and shampoo, but I wanted to try the healthy snacks first.

I start a new job at Michael’s craft stores, hopefully this week. I filled out the background check information on Friday and they said it will take 24 to 48 hours for it to be returned. In a perfect work, 48 hours was Sunday, but in the business world it could easily be Tuesday. So as soon as they get that back, they can schedule me. It’s just a seasonal job, but it’s something.

I am working on writing an e-course on managing bipolar. Or at least, my experience of managing bipolar. Too many people see this diagnosis as a sort of death sentence and I refuse to let that be the case. I mean, we’re all going to die someday, but there’s no reason to live a life that is any less fulfilling just because you have a mental health diagnosis.

I am applying to a different department at my government job. I work with individuals, helping disaster victims get grant money to rebuild their homes. However, there is more work for public assistance which works with the infrastructure like the fire department or road damage. Because my job is federal, it requires the state to ask for assistance. States determine what type of assistance they need, and more states ask for public assistance more often. So I am sending my resume over to the public assistance side.

I am debating joining NaNoWriMo this year. I have no real plan in terms of an outline, so that makes me a “pantser” as in, writing by the seat of my pants. November is a hard month for me to be consistent. There is Halloween at the beginning of the month with Day of the Dead and all that stuff. Then there is my birthday and voting day. Thanksgiving which seems to take up a whole week. So being disciplined seems to fall by the wayside. I feel like August would be a better month, but oh well.

So here I am trying all this stuff, and I’m wondering if I’m a little hypomanic. Now for me, Samhain is the new year so this is a little like making New Year’s resolutions. And there is something that happens for me around the changing of the clocks. I don’t know if it’s related to natural timing that just happens around that time, or if resetting the clocks somehow confuses me. And this is all near my birthday. I am unclear what it is that causes this burst of energy at this time of year, but I experience it regularly.

On the other hand, I am sleeping an awful lot. Like 12 hours a day plus maybe a nap. Well, make that 12 hours including the nap. I sleep, say, midnight to 8, then doze until 9:30, then go out to the living room and doze on the sofa until 11 or 12. Too much sleeping, Not enough getting stuff done. And you can tell from my list, I have stuff to do.

I am wondering if this is what the mood stabilizer helps me manage. Because my mood is generally good but the behavior is a little off. And it’s mixed: taking on too much and shopping like I’m hypomanic but also sleeping too much like I’m depressed. Is this a mixed state? Or is it just lack of self control over behavior? Which I pretty much suck at.

I see the doctor tomorrow. If I remember, I’ll ask him. Because I have brought my mood stabilizer down to the lowest possible dose, and maybe I just need to kick the dose up a notch.

I’ll keep you posted.