Kiss5Tigers

The 5 Tigers represent the big things in life. This blog is about facing them.


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Last Day in Hutchins

Tomorrow is moving day, tonight is my last night here.

I am definitely ambivalent about it. This has been my home for 5 years now and it’s sad to leave. On the other hand, I’m looking forward to new adventures.

I am almost all packed. I have one load of laundry left to pack. It’s clean and in the basket, just needs me to fold it and pack it. I need to pack the bathroom but I can’t really do that until I’m done with my morning ablutions. I will need access to my toothbrush and contacts after all.

I need to remember to get my laundry supplies out of the laundry room. I also need to remember some of my stuff from the kitchen. That smoothie powder that I don’t like. Maybe V will like it.

There is a chocolate cake for me and milk to wash it down. That will be nice tonight. And I have a chocolate bunny waiting for me.

Yes, I bought bunnies for everyone this year. White chocolate for L, milk chocolate for F, and dark chocolate for me. I think we each believe we got the best of the bunch.

I have turned in my house key and the mailbox keys. L gave me back my food stamps card. I owe F for 2 months of phone bill. I’m trying to think what else.

So about noontime everyone will show up, friend and boyfriend, and daughter and boyfriend. So there will be 5 of us loading up from here and with V there will be 6 of us unloading there.

I wish I had something profound to say. I feel like I should acknowledge the occasion in some way. I’m melancholy and sentimental; I think they call that maudlin.

I have completed the Trust Based Parenting course. I feel rather empowered by it. They advocate a lot of the way I raised E, so apparently I had some good ideas. Of course we will be working with older kids so a lot of the tools they gave us won’t apply, but a lot of the thinking behind it will.

For example, respecting the young person as a person is important. She has certain rights, such as the right to privacy. She’ll come to us with a past, with a story that is her own. It’s not my business to tell her story, even though I am likely to be excited about the new relationship. Is that the right terminology? Because this is a relationship, hopefully a therapeutic one.

This should be an interesting job, challenging and fulfilling.


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A Moment of Frustration

It’s financial.

Of course it’s financial.

It’s always financial.

Oh, the Michael’s paycheck saga. I worked for them in November, until I was called by FEMA. Now that was frustrating because FEMA asked me to commit for 60 days, then let me go after 19. I would have turned down the deployment and stayed with Michael’s if I’d known it was gonna go like that.

Anyway.

I left right before one payday, and was deployed for the next payday. Then I got back right before Christmas, so I didn’t get to the store until after the new year to pick up my checks. Unfortunately, they had been returned to corporate rather than mailing them to me. Bummer, but okay, I’ll deal with corporate.

Well that’s not so easy. The number I could find online was for customer service not the head office. So I called customer service, who connected me to HR. I left a message. Several days later I left another message. I finally reached someone who emailed me a form to fill out. The form.

The form was a .pdf but I was unable to unlock it for editing. Didn’t even show up as an option. I had to print it out. Then I had to access the payroll portal to get the check dates. I filled out the form, and realized I didn’t know how to return them. I didn’t have a fax number or a physical address, so I called Michael’s again.

I am surprised by how difficult a concept this is to explain over the phone. “Just fill out the form online and email it back to us.” Well I tried that, it doesn’t work. I hung up on one person who clearly wasn’t getting it. I finally got a person who suggested taking a picture of the form with my phone and emailing that back. Well. Should’ve thought of that myself. Good idea. So that’s what I did.

Then I got an email saying I needed to fill out a different form that included the check number and the amount. I had to email them to request a copy of the form. Then I had to go back to the payroll portal to get the additional check information. I printed out the forms and completed them. This time, there was a list of 5 fax numbers on the form with instructions to send the form to them. I don’t own a fax.

Fortunately, the unemployment office has a free fax machine, so I went down there and faxed. I faxed to all the numbers because I was gonna cover my bases. Nobody at unemployment even asked what I was doing.

Today I got an email asking me to confirm my mailing address. I sure hope that means the checks will be cut soon and forwarded to me. I mean, it’s been since November and I need the money.

That brings me to my second source of frustration. I had to use the company card while I was deployed because I didn’t have any money in the bank. Most of my expenses were covered but a few were not. That’s okay, and it’s normal. So I have to pay a few things out of pocket. Not a problem if I’m working, but I haven’t received a check since Christmas and I simply am out of money. I hope the Michael’s check arrives soon.

On top of that, my car is due for a sticker this month. I need to get an inspection and pay for registration, another $150 or thereabouts total. Where is that check?

Now I will be working 4 days this week. I have a training. But I will lose about 1/3 of my check to taxes. Then another $200 for health insurance. Then another $200 for back health insurance, since I’ve been covered for the past year without making a payment, so I owe that money. Really I won’t have any cash in my pocket from this expedition. But I will have a coach and evaluator certification, which hopefully will make me more appealing to have in the field. Maybe.

I still haven’t heard from the other cadre about making the change to a different team. In November they told me it would be 2 months. With the holidays I expected it to take longer. I did email them, asking them if they needed more information, just to see if someone would get back to me. So far, nothing.

Speaking of nothing, I haven’t heard from the 911 dispatcher job I applied for either. I took the test. I was the second person done. I guess I wasn’t as good as I thought. Not even a “thank you for applying, we’ve decided to go another route”. In fact, I don’t even know what my test score is.

In other news, I finally found my keys which I put in a “safe place” before I was deployed. I’ve been without a house key since Christmas. They were in a bag along with my correspondence supplies and unanswered letters. I have been working on replying to those letters and I went to one of my out-of-the-house workspaces so I had room to empty the bag and spread out. Lo and behold, there in the bottom of the bag were my keys.

And I have entered the art exhibition. Two pieces. I’ve never entered a juried show before so I don’t know if my work is good enough. I hope it is. I won’t know for like a month if I’m accepted.

In the meantime, I continue looking for work. Sooner or later something will give and I’ll be back among the gainfully employed.


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TCB

*Taking Care of Business

I haven’t done much to report lately, just getting things done.

I’ve been to 2 doctors, my gastro guy and my psydoc. We have cut back on meds with both of them, so that’s pretty cool.

I joined a gym so I am trying to get back into the swing of working out. I didn’t go at all last week because I was looking after my roommate. He is disabled so I didn’t like to leave him alone for long periods of time. He’s pretty self sufficient but you know, things happen. I was supposed to go workout today with my daughter, though I haven’t reached her yet so that could fall apart.

I have been trying to reach Shonda at Workforce Solutions, which is the job placement arm of the unemployment office. I keep missing her. I asked what her hours are so I could call at a better time, and the person who answered the phone got snippy. Apparently they can’t tell me her hours. I haven’t had a callback from her yet, so I don’t even know if she’s getting my messages.

I think I have finally gotten my paycheck issue with Michael’s handled. You might recall, they sent me the replacement check form as a .pdf but I was unable to activate the edit option. I printed out hard copies, and have been looking for a fax number or physical address to send the forms. The people at Michael’s keep saying to scan the image into my computer and email it, but I don’t have a scanner. I emailed them again last week. They got back to me saying to take a picture of the form and email it to them. Well, duh. I’ve been dealing with this for several weeks now, and it never occurred to me to take a picture. I am just not one of those people who is very tech minded. Apparently neither are most of the staff in HR, since nobody else suggested it either.

We are moving forward with putting a DBSA meeting in Oak Cliff. I went to a meeting and met a very helpful man named Patrick LeBlanc who works with Bridging the Gap Foundation. He gave us a referral to a local church who will hopefully be willing to give us space. I sent an email this morning. I called last week but didn’t manage to connect.

I need to empty suitcases still, and start packing for my work trip in 2 weeks. Really I only need 4 days of clothes so it will be the carry on. No checked luggage for me.

We are replacing the floor in the bathroom so I need to get in there and clean it a bit. I would keep using it, but I spilled some toothpaste on the sink and it left a clean spot. I didn’t think the sink was dirty until that happened. Yes I am oblivious. My roommate F says it looks like a boy’s bathroom. I think, it probably looks like a teenager’s bathroom.

I also have an opportunity to enter the Art214 exhibition. It’s juried which is a little challenging, but there is no entry fee so it’s within my budget. I can’t tell if I’m excited or nervous, which probably means I should enter. What’s the worst that can happen? They don’t like my art and I don’t get to show it, which is no different than my situation now.

We watched AJ and the Queen yesterday. The whole season. I was up until almost 4 am and slept until 1 in the afternoon. Totally worth it. Now let me be honest, this isn’t going to win any awards. But it has RuPaul, and I love her, and many cameos from drag queens both in and out of drag. Chad Michaels, Jujubee, Bianca del Rio, and Latrice Royale to name a few. The plot was a little predictable — I figured out the big reveal before the end of the second episode — and periodically a little preachy, but also funny and heartwarming. I give it a solid B+, thoroughly enjoyable.

So that’s been my week. Also a solid B+. Time to call my daughter again and see about working out.


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In Which I Don’t Name Names

The bank has finally released my money, woot woot! And I spent about $300 today catching up on stuff. But I don’t feel bad about it, it was just things I had to pay for.

I have to call the doctor on Monday and pay them, now that I think of it.

I have had help from friends along the way. One friend gave me $75 to tide me over. Another one loaned me $100, which I will pay back next week. I actually didn’t touch that money but it was a relief to have it available in case I needed it.

Roommate and I have been watching The Marvelous Mrs Maisel with great enjoyment. The actress is impossibly tiny. She reminds me of my friend M, who I haven’t seen in a while. Having binged our way through the series, we are now watching Chuck. We seem to have a Zachary Levi theme going.

Today I heard about an art exhibition, the Art214 Juried Exhibition. It’s juried, which is a bummer for me, but there’s no entry fee and you can enter up to 3 works, so that’s good. I’m going to see if I can make one more piece so I have 3 and then I’ll enter. I figure it’s worth trying, to see if I can get in. Worst they can say is no, and then I’m no worse off than I am now.

I have been working on hats this week. I got one done and another one mostly done. One of the things I bought was to order more yarn. I really don’t need more yarn, but the price was so good and they were selling out. I want to order about $200 worth of Noro yarn from WEBS but I don’t have the budget or the space for it.

I have been underemployed for so long, I haven’t been able to pay storage. It’s been like 8 months. I thought the units had already been sold. Then I got a call from the manager saying he’s having trouble processing my card. Well I bet he is, that card’s been cancelled for a long time. Now I don’t know what to do. I don’t have the money to pay it up and I’m not working right now so I can’t even make the regular monthly payment. But, I want my stuff. I thought I had gotten over it and now I have hope again. I’m torn.

I am having trouble getting my checks from Michael’s. They aren’t intentionally giving me a hard time, but they aren’t exactly helpful. They sent me the forms to request a replacement check in .pdf format. I could open the file, but there is no option to turn on the edit function. I had to print a copy to fill it out. Now I need to mail it to them, but there isn’t an address on the form. I tried calling. I got a person who told me to edit it online AFTER I told them I couldn’t do that. Then they told me to scan it in. I don’t own a scanner. I was finally forwarded to another department and the person I needed to talk to was away from her desk. I left a message, but so far no response. I guess that’s another thing to do Monday. I’m really putting together my Monday to-do list right now, huh.

I feel like I got closer to a friend today. J was dithering on going to ATTA today, and I convinced her to go. I picked her up, so we had a few minutes in the car on the way there and back. I think it might be the first time we’ve been alone together. I feel like we really connected. Not to mention we’ve been reading each other’s blogs so that gives a good picture of what’s going on in our heads.

Daughter is having roommate drama. Things have been stable for her for several months, so it’s time for everything to get shaken up. The kittens are adorable but if she has to move they are a complication. Her new ID hasn’t arrived yet. At least, with the one roommate gone, nobody will be throwing away the mail. Daughter goes by her nickname so people don’t recognize her legal name, which is of course is how the DPS knows her. I’m pretty sure her previous replacement ID got tossed.

Nothing amazing happening, but I felt like checking in.


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In Which I Name Names

I thought I was smarter than this, but I guess not. Here is the story:

I do seasonal work in disaster relief but there weren’t any major disasters last year so I only worked 5 weeks. I’ve been looking for another job, either one that pays me as well, or one I won’t feel guilty about leaving if I get called back. I recently updated my resume on Work In Texas, the website associated with the state’s unemployment system. I was contacted by a representative saying she might have a job for me.

The woman gave me the name Florence Carter. She texted me a few times then asked if we could move the conversation to Google Hangouts. She told me the name of the company was Amanta Healthcare Limited. I looked them up. They are a company in India that provides medical products. It was a very professional website. It had several pages. Google also showed me an article on the company by Bloomberg, and there was information about them being bought out. Looked legit. I thought, okay, they’re in India, that’s why they want to handle everything online.

We conducted an online interview. This is not the first time someone has asked me for that. They offered me a data entry job, work from home. I have friends who work from home for companies like Hilton and AAA, so this was not a red flag for me.

Ms Carter told me I would need to purchase some software and the company would send me a check. The next day, Fedex dropped off an envelope. Inside was a check for $4950.00. That seemed like a lot of money. It was drawn on Chase bank. I called Chase and gave them the name on the check, NY Iola Attorney Trust Account Moliterno PC, and the tracking and account number off the bottom of the check. Chase verified that it was an active account.

The package also contained a letter, stating not to bring the check to the bank to cash. Honestly, I would never do that. The last time I tried to cash a check, the bank involved kept something like 6%. When I was a young person, you could take a check to the bank it was drawn on and cash it with an ID. Nowadays the bank won’t cash it unless you also have an account at that bank. So still no red flags since I was like, “Why would I do that?”

The letter also told me to drop an email to Caroline Hampton, the Financial Accounting Officer, at payrollrep@accountant.com to let her know I had received the check. She emailed me back telling me to deposit the check and follow up with my supervisor, who I assumed was Florence Carter.

I bank with Citibank. Citibank does not have an office in Texas, where I live. I deposited the check using the phone app. Florence asked for a copy of the deposit ticket, but I didn’t use one. I took a screen shot showing the pending deposit, but it did not have any of my banking information in it.

Florence asked me how much money was deposited to my account. I told her that I deposited the whole check, but my bank would hold it for several days since it was from a new source. I didn’t have any additional money showing in my account. She asked if I could cover the cost of some software until the check cleared so I could start training. I figured I could live without $200. She asked me to use it to purchase a Google Play card to use for the software. Odd, but I had the check so okay, let’s see where this goes. Worst comes to worst, I own some new software I don’t need.

I went to Walmart. I picked up some coolant for my car, some washcloths and the gift card. My card was declined. I really needed the coolant, so I had everything else put back. $8.73. Declined. So I called the bank.

Calling the bank is always a hassle because it takes so much effort to get a person. The system really wants you to use the automated information but I have never yet called the bank for something that is prerecorded. I finally got a person. He hmmm’d and aha’d and told me he needed to refer me to another department. Something was up. The new person was less circumspect. She told me right up that my account was frozen for a fraudulent check.

Now I am embarrassed about taking a bad check, but I was really frustrated that I couldn’t access my own money that was in the account. The bank explained that we have to wait for the check to bounce out of the account to unfreeze it. It’s a 3 day weekend so that means my funds are frozen until at least Tuesday. The idea is, I shouldn’t be able to access money from the bad check. No benefit for me from fraud. I don’t mind that. The check is bad, I’m clearly not going to get the money. But I don’t carry cash, so I am effectively broke for the weekend. That bothers me. I had plans.

I haven’t contacted Florence Carter since then, although she has tried several times to reach me. I don’t know what I would say. I’d rather have her think I stole the money than know what happened. Because the longer they don’t know they’ve been found out, the more time the authorities have to catch up with them.

I did report the fraud. I have contacted the FBI, who handles internet crime, and filed a report with them. I have filed with the FTC (Federal Trade Commission). And I have filed with the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau. I had to file a complaint against my bank, which I hated to do but I needed to get something on record showing that I took the check in good faith. I’m an intended victim, not a perpetrator.

I also took the check to the police. They looked it over. It even had a watermark. The officer said, he would have checked the same things I did, and he would have taken the check. It might be a scam, but it was a good one. So I feel less stupid but still too naive.

I took the check to Chase. It took the manager about 10 seconds to state that it was a fraudulent check. I asked how she knew and she said the font was wrong. Well. How would I ever know a thing like that? An average person isn’t going to scrutinize a check to that degree, if they even have a good check for comparison. I had to remind the manager to look at the account, since it was an active account, because if they’re writing checks on that account, I’m not the only person getting targeted. She did pull the account up and said it was flagged for fraud on the 16th. Well that was yesterday, and it was probably my check that caused that.

So as things stand, I am broke for the weekend, and maybe for the next week. I am embarrassed and I feel a little stupid. But I am not out any money, just some time. I’m telling you this because I thought I knew better and I still got taken. It could happen to you.


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Feeling Unattractive

First I want to post the most recent photo I have of myself:

Me, October 2019, photo by Mike Fiddleman of Fidd Worldwide

It’s a candid shot, which is the best way to photograph me. I don’t pose well. I don’t come from a family that took photos very regularly so I am vaguely uncomfortable with the whole process.

I like that it’s a natural expression for me. This is what I look like. I wonder what I was laughing at.

But I look at it, and I see 2 things: how plain I am and how fat I am.

I mean, fat. Yep, I weigh 275, so I’m not skinny. But I forget that my body is as big as it is, especially when I am so hungry so often. I mean, look at those arms! I got Hulk Hogan‘s 22 inch guns without the firepower. I get tired of people telling me “you’re not fat”. That’s not what my doctor says. And it’s not what my experience of my body says. Oh, yeah, and it’s not what my dating life says.

I am also plain. I don’t mean ugly, but not pretty. I know this from my dating life too. I am the girl who hears, “I’m a great guy, introduce me to your friend, because pretty girls don’t see what a great guy I am because I’m not handsome.” Well you know what buddy? You’re treating me the way you say you get treated. I don’t think you’re so great.

I am so tired of being single that a guy friend of mine bought me a soda, and I spent an hour wondering if it “meant something”. Well of course it doesn’t, it was just a friend picking up the tab. I’ll get it the next time. No big.

I do get an offer from time to time, but they are mostly from people I know in open relationships. It’s flattering in a way, I mean it’s flattering when someone is interested even if it’s not reciprocal. But most of them, well, I don’t want to be your bit on the side, I want to be someone’s person. I’m holding out for being special to someone.

It’s been 10 years since someone asked me out on a date. That’s a long time. It wears me down in a way, to know I’m not special to anyone. I’m a great gal, says my married friend C. Yeah, I am, but who knows it? Or maybe, who appreciates it? I’m not pretty enough for my wonderfulness to be noticed.

So maybe when I have money again I’ll join a gym. I miss working with weights and that’s much easier for me at a health club than it is at home. But it makes me sad that I am somehow not good enough as I am.

Why not me? But apparently, not me.


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The Conversations We Have

This is going to be the first Friday of the month and Infliction has a $5 cover charge, so a group of us is going. Infliction is a BDSM club, so it will be quite an interesting night. No link to this one, I’m afraid.

You can tell, I’m not a prude. I’m not having sex in public (who am I kidding, I’m not having sex in private either) but I like the atmosphere. People are just plain body positive. They wear anything, and if you feel good in it, you’re good.

Last time I was there, I ran into my friend J. J is a cross dresser. He’s straight, so he’s not a transsexual. He has a girlfriend, although I haven’t met her. She won’t go to clubs like that so he goes alone. I don’t know if I could be in a relationship with someone that I couldn’t share my whole life with. But it seems to be working for them, so who am I?

Anyway, J was wearing a fabulous red dress and his good falsies, and it was fun to see him. I just don’t expect to find people I know from other venues (comic cons and renaissance faires) at the club.

This will be the second time I’ve been to the club. I’m not looking for anything, just good people watching.

I am thinking of inviting my friend T, just because he needs to get out. He could bring his latest conquest, or I suppose B. She’s a baby submissive. She might be interested in seeing the scene.

So tonight’s discussion around the house, roommates and I, is what you get out of the event. For me, it’s just to get out and go someplace I’m accepted in spite of not being pretty. For L, it seems to be the eye candy. For F, it’s about the exchange of energy.

There is a member of the group who has a foot fetish, and he is offering to give foot rubs to all the ladies. Another member is a little, not a diaper infant although we’ve seen those, but she has a youngster persona. I don’t find that sexy, but I guess someone does.

For me, I think I come across as a top but I am not. I want a man who is a stronger person than I am. I am a queen, but I want a king not a boy toy. I don’t get my jollies being in charge. And I don’t mean a jerk, I mean an alpha. Very few of those, however, and they prefer the hot chick, which I am not.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a great person, I’m just not hot, and I’m mostly fine with it. Or I’d be doing something about it, yanno? I mean, I could work out or something but I don’t. I could make changes to my body, but there are other things I want to do with my time, so that goes by the wayside.

Anyway, we are coming up on my birthday so I am counting this as a birthday outing. We are going for pancakes afterward, so I’m gonna make them sing “Happy Birthday” to me.

After all, if you can’t get a group of perverts to sing to you for your birthday, what’s the point? And yes, I guess I’m a pervert too. It’s what makes life interesting. Just another way I’m neurodivergent, I suppose.


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I Got the Vest

I work at Michael’s now. It’s official. I even have the red vest. It’s a very busy store so I work registers and get no minute to breathe but that’s good. The job would be boring if I wasn’t busy, just standing at a register waiting. I am still very slow at checking people out but I can do it. I’ll get speedy with practice. Or at least speedier.

It has rained twice tonight, just sudden downpour out of nowhere. I am cold and sitting in my jeans with a blanket across my lap. I will sleep with 2 blankets in bed tonight.

I need to tell work that I’m not available on Thursdays. I am facilitating group the next 3 weeks, and I have DBSA meetings on alternate Thursday nights. It’s easier to just request the day off than to have them try to keep track of it.

I want to write a letter to my friend Fishspit. I owe him a letter. I owe lots of people letters. I have been particularly unmotivated to write lately. I haven’t even journalled in months. I miss journalling.

I am thinking of NaNoWriMo this month (November) but I have no idea how I’ll manage all that writing with my current slackerly attitude.

I need to work on my ecourse. I paid for the course for that so I really should take advantage.

Speaking of courses I’ve paid for, there is my Japanese course on Rosetta Stone and my life coach courses on Udemy. I really need to get on with it.

I mean, I get up in the morning and fall asleep because I just can’t find anything to stay awake for. Well, there are 3 things right there. Not to mention my new shopping club.

I want dessert. I want amazing dessert, not just some cookies. I want hot pecan pie with ice cream. Or chocolate mousse or creme brulee. Rice pudding. Chocolate lava cake. Fried ice cream. I don’t know, just something. I would probably be happy with rice krispie treats or those yogurt covered pretzels. But here I am, drinking my water, eating some mixed nuts in a single serving package.

I left my meds box in Longview on the road trip. I thought T was gonna bring it by tonight, but I guess not. Weather is too icky for me to want to drive up there. I figure I’ll get it tomorrow or the next day.

I am almost out of meds at the moment, I’ll have to call the pharmacy. I have to call the doctor too. I got an automated call to remind me of an appointment on Friday, but I can’t make it so I chose the “reschedule” option. The system said, “Your appointment has been rescheduled” and hung up on me. I’m like, rescheduled for when? Because I’m thinking that’s something else I have to move to Thursday. I tried to call back but the outgoing message said the office was closed.

I am feeling my singleness very keenly lately. I want a companion. I wouldn’t mind a little sex but a warm body to sleep next to would be perfect. Someone to share adventures. But I am somehow not right. I don’t know if I’m not pretty enough or if it’s because I have no sense of humor or if they can smell the bipolar on me. I wish I could figure it out because then I could fix it. Or choose not to, but at least it would be a choice, not just the way things are.

Well, off to take my meds. Good night.


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Job Leads

Employment continues to be an issue in my life.

I have an interview Friday with Michael’s craft stores. I’m actually pretty excited about it. I love craft stores. I’m more concerned that I’ll spend my whole paycheck on art supplies! Keep a good thought for me as I go through the interview process.

I heard from a friend who is deployed that the government is looking for people to work public assistance. I am currently assigned to individual assistance, which is helping hook people up with grant money to repair their damaged homes. I like the job. I had fun doing it. But the last time I worked was 10 months ago.

I know, not having a disaster is a good thing, but I want to work. Public assistance is the civic level of help. It’s support for infrastructure and teams like firemen. It also gets called in to play on more occasions than individual assistance. There are 5 open public assistance calls and only 1 individual assistance county. Less personal involvement, but more work.

So I have been provided with the application information to change cadres from individual assistance to public assistance. I need to work.

I attended the Prism awards last night. I met a woman who works for UT Southwestern. I told her I was learning grant writing. She gave me her card and asked me to keep in touch about how successful I am at it. I think, if I get any good at it, that it could lead to a job.

I prefer to work with people, but money’s gotta come from somewhere.

So, we’ll see. Lots of things going on, something’s gotta give.


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Just Do the Thing

It’s a simple concept, and I even wrote a whole post about it, but somehow I keep forgetting.

I have been avoiding writing for a while now, no cards, no journaling, no blogging, no working on my book. No writing.

And it got to the place where writing just seemed like the biggest hurdle ever. Getting out the pens or opening the laptop seemed like an insurmountable obstacle.

Of course it’s not.

I went to an artists’ group today and the first part was some guided free writing. Just doing the writing got the juices flowing.

Then we worked on personal projects and I got out my notecards. I wrote about 10 of them during the meeting, with stamps and everything. I mailed them already.

Now I am blogging for the second time in 24 hours.

Do the thing. Don’t get sidetracked. Don’t wait for the right moment. Just do it. (Thanks, Nike.) Start. Because once you start, you gain momentum. The law of inertia says that once something is in motion, it will tend to stay in motion until another force acts on it. And you thought inertia was just for objects at rest!

I’ve been blowing off the morning pages that Julia Cameron recommends in The Artist’s Way. And now I see, for me, even when there’s nothing to say, I need to discipline of daily writing. It primes the pump. It gets things flowing.

Wow, maybe the expert really does know what she’s talking about, fancy that!

So I will finish this entry and go write the rest of the current box of cards, and then we’ll see what happens. I might even work on my book tonight.