Kiss5Tigers

The 5 Tigers represent the big things in life. This blog is about facing them.


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On My Way

I’m deployed.

I’m halfway between excited and nervous.  I’ve been waiting for this so I’m excited to finally be called.  Yet I don’t know what I’m going to find, and that makes me nervous.

Roommates are concerned that I will be overwhelmed by the victims’ emotionality.  F took me aside tonight and told me to protect myself.  I know he means to build up a psychic shield, surround myself with white light kind of thing.  Mostly he kept saying for me to remember it’s not my fault, there’s only so much I can do, and take care of myself.

I have packed, unpacked and repacked.  I want to get down to one suitcase.  I figure, they’re going to give me equipment to manage as well as my suitcase and purse.  I don’t want a ton of stuff.  I mean, I do want a ton of stuff, but I can’t manage it all.  I’ll bring my computer, headphones and all.  And my sketch book.  And a glue stick.  I think I’ll throw a pair of scissors in my luggage, since I’ll be checking a bag.

Meds are in my purse.  Contacts and glasses will go in my purse too.  As did makeup.  I did look for another purse and couldn’t find one I liked.  Now I’m glad to have the extra room.

I got to see my daughter E today.  We ran some errands and I gave her my car to use.  I’m not sure about this.  I think, it’s not in good shape, what if something happens while she’s using it?  It gets towed and I can’t get it back.  Then I’m without a car.  I don’t know how long I’ll be deployed, so $25 a day for storage times who knows how many days.  I’d lose the stuff that’s in the car, some printed material, some knitting, all my stuffies.  It would make me very upset.  So I told her, no using the car.  She can use it to get her stuff from V.  But no joy rides.  And tonight she had K pick her up to go visit a friend, so she is trying to respect my wishes.

Charli the kitty is all over my suitcase and she yells at me every time I come into the bedroom.  She is upset that I’m leaving but I can’t take her with me.  F and L will look after Charli and Momo so that’s something I don’t have to worry about.

I made sure F, E, and my cousin all have each other’s phone numbers.  If anything happens, I want them to be able to contact each other.  Not that anything will happen.  It’s a precaution.  I should text them all from my work phone too so they have that number.

I think I’ve got it all covered.   One last load of laundry in process.  Extra suitcase packed in case I’m there more than a month.  I think, I really do think, I’m almost ready.


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Finding a Schedule

I seem to be blogging every other day, which is good until I go back to work.

Sleep hygiene is suffering lately.  I was somewhat manic and I’m not working, both of which push my sleep time later in the day.  Yesterday I slept until 1:30 in the afternoon so I just wasn’t tired at bedtime.  I wasn’t tired until after 4:30 am.  In the meantime,  I  heard from a friend that she needs help getting to work early tomorrow.  I am going to sleep at her house tonight so I can be there in the morning.  Well, I need to get up around 5 am, and I didn’t see me getting any kind of sleep if I went to bed late.  So I decided to stay up.  I figure I’ll be ready to crash right about the time I should go to sleep to get up in time.

It’s Fathers’ Day which is a non-event for me.  My grandfather’s and father have long since passed away.  My ex husband has also died.  I suppose I could call my uncle and wish him happy Fathers’ Day but that seems like fishing for inclusion.  I owe my uncle a call anyway, I just think I’ll put it off until Monday.

I filed my payment request for unemployment.  They say I have been awarded nothing at this time, but I will keep filing.  They should have all the documentation by now, but I will call them Monday as well just to be sure.  I should have something in my payment column since I worked until the middle of May.

Hawaii has been declared for individual assistance.  I hope that means deployment.  I’m dying to work!  Several other states have requested assistance, so maybe soon.

My roommate says the cats were glaring at me to go to bed, but I doubt it.  They probably wanted a snack or some attention.  My other roommate made coffee, so I am soon going to be sufficiently caffeinated.  Then I will clean out my car so my friend can be comfortable in it.

Today will be busier than planned.


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Finally Settling Down

I slept last night.  I got up about 10:30 this morning and went into the living room and slept sitting up on the sofa until 1:30.  I think I can no longer consider myself manic.  It will, however, mess with my sleeping to get up so late.  I won’t be tired at bedtime.  I might stay up all night just to get my sleep back on track.  I don’t know.  It will depend how I feel in 12 hours.

Hamlet the kitty passed last night.  He was a good kitty.  He was also elderly and sickly, so he is at peace now.  It makes me cry.  I tried so hard not to get attached to him, after all I have 2 of my own.  Three days ago I held him in my lap and petted him.  He barely purred but whenever I stopped he reached out for more.  For the last 2 days, he has laid on the kitchen floor, not eating or drinking.  Every time I went past him, I’d stop and pet him for a second.  This is not a surprise but I feel it as a loss.

I have been reading about the immigrant families that have been separated, and watching The Zookeeper’s Wife.  They feel like the same thing to me.  One story told in two different ways.  There is some difference between them, but the underlying feeling is the same.  I have my representatives’ phone numbers and I vote.  I don’t know what else to do.

My heart is actually with the homeless.  I have read about the Stewpot downtown Dallas and they are doing a lot of things I think are valuable.  Things that are within my vision of what I would want to do.  I should volunteer down there but I am not able to commit a lot of time with my unpredictable work schedule.  I hear from a friend that “it’s not a place for a lady” but I don’t think I’m that much of a lady.  A woman for sure but more like a tough old broad.  Not a ballbuster though.  Still, all those children separated from their families breaks my heart.  But how can I worry about them when we can’t even take care of our own?

The Stewpot

 


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On Being Slightly Manic

It happens from time to time.  I think I’m okay and then, well, I’m not.

It 2:10 am and I just ate my third meal of the day.  I have eaten toast, a McDouble, and now 2 servings of pasta salad with no protein component.  I think if it had meat in it, I might have had only 1 serving.  The problem with eating so late is that it means I have been up long enough to get hungry again.  Now I will have some increase in energy and feel even less like sleeping.

Sleep has been off for me the last few days.  I’ve been up late at night, though I still sleep only 8 or so hours.  I just would rather sleep until say 7:30 not 12:30 in the afternoon.  I am a slow waker so I don’t want to get up late since it will take an hour or so to start my day.  And if it’s too late in the day, I might get nothing done at all.

But I am up now.  Up and typing and wondering if there’s anybody else awake who’d like to interact.  Probably not.  Or at least, if they are, they are looking for someone to talk dirty and I’m not down for that.

Up and a little ADD right now.  I am typing, watching TV, monitoring both email and facebook, eating, trying to pet the cat (the cat is not cooperating) and planning some art projects.  It’s really too much and I should be overwhelmed or distracted but I’m not.

I’m talking a little too much today I think.  I feel like I took over group today, even though I really didn’t.  I feel pushy and a little controlling.  I think I don’t act that way, but I feel it.

If I had money, I would do some shopping.  At this time of night it would be online shopping, which is fun twice.  Once when I do the shopping itself and again when the stuff arrives.  I don’t need anything so shopping is frivolous.

My computer is going to die shortly, the battery has almost run out.  I will put the computer to charge then get out my knitting, watch TV and knit.  Or maybe I’ll plug in the computer out here and watch some anime and knit.

I should sleep, sleeping would be the smart thing, but I’m not tired yet.  Maybe I’ll stay up tonight and try to sleep at a normal time tomorrow.

 


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Unemployment Application

In order to collect unemployment, I have to provide a form called sf-50 which shows my current status as non-pay.  I have a job but there is no work for me so I’m not getting paid.  That’s part of the problem with these on-call positions.

I have the form.  It was emailed to me earlier today.  PDF is a fine format.  Except.  Except the only option for getting this item to the unemployment office is to fax it.  I cannot email it or upload it to an account.

This gives me a chance for a small adventure tomorrow though.  Apparently I can do these things for free at the local workforce office.  Now notice that there is no local unemployment office, there is only the job placement office.  This is mildly annoying but the big thing is to handle it for the lowest cost possible.

In other news, my roommates’ cat Hamlet is not doing well.  The question is, do we let him keep going with poor quality of life or do we take him down to the vet and send him on his way.  I’m glad I don’t have to make that decision.  He is a sweet loving kitty who cannot walk properly any longer and who is not grooming himself.  It’s not good.  And yet, at what point do you decide for an animal that enough is enough?  So sad.

Trying to maintain a good attitude.  Visiting friends and family, keeping busy, going to support groups.  I hope to make some art later today and take a shower.  It feels like a good day for a shower.  Study some Japanese, watch some anime.  It’s going to be a good day.

 


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Unhappy kitty

I had to wash all my bedding today.  One of the cats peed on my comforter.  Based on the amount of moisture, more than one time.  Since it was rolled up at the foot of my bed, I simply hadn’t realized how wet it was until I moved it.  Yup.  But a good hot water wash with bleach and OdoBan, and it’s usable again.  ( link to OdoBan if you’re interested http://www.odoban.com/ )  In the meantime, I need to wonder about why the cat was peeing in my bed at all.  It’s usually a sign of being unhappy or threatened.  Practicing feline psychology is difficult because they don’t give you any feedback.

My mail project is moving along.  I’m down to the J’s.  I’m very pleased with this.  I’ve had a handful of responses, which is more than I expected, and a few returned, which is less than I expected.  Some of my addresses are quite old and people move.  I need to write a one page piece about who sunlion is and what Kiss5Tigers means.  Sunlion is just my most common online name, other than my own.  Kiss5Tigers is, well, something else.  I guess it’s  my studio name.  It’s the name I associate with my projects, like this blog and my art.  I really don’t know how else to describe it.  It has an EIN, what is commonly called a wholesale number.  It’s the name that’s going on the subscription box, and it’s noted on my zines.  ( Contact me if you want a zine.  They are very short. )

I am ready for the time off between jobs.  I just wish the company would get in touch with me about the details.  Once they’re handled, once I have flight information, I can make the rest of my plans.  I do want some time off before the new job starts, maybe a few days, maybe a week.  I want to make some art and get the air conditioner in the car fixed,  organize my room a little more.  I really need to acquire some more drawer sets so I can start pulling stuff out of the boxes.  I’ve been living in boxes for 2 years now and it’s time to actually act like I live here.  I expect to be here for 2 more years anyway, since that’s how long my contract is.

I went to Kinokuniya in Plano the other day.  They had a book for sale on Japanese culture that I really want, but I didn’t pick it up.  I want to go to Japan with my daughter.  My current plan is to go in about 2 years when my contract is up.  We’ve been talking about going for years now and if I don’t make plans for it, it will always be a dream.  I’m thinking of taking the trek back to Plano to get the book.  I’d have to do it in the next week before they rearrange the store.  I wouldn’t be able to find it if they move it!  Here is a link for Kinokuniya:  https://usa.kinokuniya.com/  .  I bought a lovely green pen there and a cute glass bat for my daughter, totally worth checking out.

 


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Food and other items

I went online and requested the interview for food stamps, which is called SNAP now, and other welfare assistance.  I’m pretty sure that in January there will suddenly be an extension, but in case there’s not, well, I got to keep working towards some kind of resolution.  Welfare isn’t my first choice, but I do need a safety net.

The lady is reviewing us for everything and most of it will take a while because we need to provide additional information.  Well, that’s okay I guess.  However she said she was planning to approve the food stamps that day, which actually was pretty impressive.  Of course it will take a week for the card to arrive, but at least we can plan grocery shopping.

And that’s what I’m thinking about today.  I mean, Yay!  Groceries!  Dinner!  But what about toilet paper?

No, seriously.  Food stamps can only be used on food; you can’t use them for toothpaste or laundry soap or tampons.  I don’t think I can go 3 months without shaving my underarms or washing my hair, how do I pay for razors and shampoo?  I mean I can hardly go on a job interview without taking a shower and putting on clean clothes, but those take supplies too.

Not to mention, in my apartment complex, I don’t have a washing machine in my actual apartment so I need to pay for laundry.  That’s $1.00 to wash and $0.75 to dry.  Oh, and my lease includes a clause that I won’t put a laundry line on my patio so I can’t hang clothes out to dry. I suppose I can do underwear by hand in the sink and hang it in the tub but that won’t work for jeans.

Charli the kitty is watching me type this, and I wonder how to take care of her.  I got her when I had a job and it’s only maybe $30 a month for food and litter.  She isn’t expensive but food stamps won’t cover it.  I get that we want to help people not animals.  Yet life circumstances change, so the cat who was extremely affordable a year ago is a financial burden today.  What do you say to people with pets?  “Why did you get a pet if you can’t afford to feed it?”  Well, really, I could afford to feed her when I got her.  And she loves me even if I can’t afford laundry soap and smell like a yak.  She loves me if my teeth fall out and my leg hair is long enough to braid.  Life is tough; the unconditional acceptance of a beloved pet makes things a little more tolerable.  Besides, since things do change in unexpected ways, are you going to suggest that nobody should have pets in case they have financial reverses at some point in the future?

So yay for food stamps and boy do I need them!  Just remember that isn’t all I need to bootstrap myself to a better place.