The 5 Tigers represent the big things in life. This blog is about facing them.

Labor Day 2017

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Not that I’m going to actually write anything about labor.

I am concerned that my meds are, well, too effective.  It’s like I said in the last post, I’m almost too even keeled.  I notice I am doing things, like shopping, that I know are “bad” for me  (some shopping is necessary but I don’t need to keep acquiring more stuff, yanno?)  but there is no emotional content.  I am not driven to do this and I am not upset that I’m doing it and I think I should be.  Bothered at least.  But I can’t seem to get my heart to beat a little faster and I can’t get worked up about wasting money.

At least I didn’t buy many books today.  I bought the Kat von D book for Elcie and a cthulhu vinyl.  Other than that, I got the patterns I need for the 6x6NW project and a box of greeting cards.  They are very cool arts ‘n’ crafts style cards.  I mean the movement as in Frank Lloyd Wright and Charles Rennie Mackintosh, not the general activity.  I wish I could find my letter cards but I don’t know what box they’re in.  Hell, I wish I could find the patterns I’ve already torn up but I don’t know what box those are in either.

I want to write more about my bipolar because I think that’s what most of my readers are interested in.  I am off work right now on short term disability.  They call it STD but that looks like something else to me.  It just got to me.  The new supervisor won’t give me any hope that I might get off the phones any time soon and it just kills me.  The previous supervisor said she’d work with me but she’s not my super any more so that doesn’t help.  I just got to feeling so trapped, just trapped in a job that I don’t enjoy and that I’m not going to shine at.

On the other hand, the volunteering at MHA is going very well for me.  I sometimes make presentations with Ricardo which generally go well.  At least, people laughed the last time, and nodded because they recognized themselves in my story.  My story isn’t unusual, I am just willing to get up in front of people and share it.  I’ve been fortunate, too, though.  My company has been willing to work with me and I never really developed a physical addiction.  It could have been much worse.  Besides the presentations, I co-facilitate the PTSD / anxiety group and I facilitate the depression support group.  I enjoy doing those things and would do much more of it if I could get paid to do it.  I’m working on that.

In the meantime, I’m looking at going to work for FEMA.  I used to do disaster work for SBA so I think I could do it for FEMA.  Pay is good too.  And it’s only temporary so about the time I can’t handle it any more, I’ll probably be done.  I need to make a change, the current job isn’t going anywhere and I don’t have the patience for it any more.



Author: Allison Leonard / Kiss5Tigers

I like sci-fi movies, and I noticed that I like the noir ones best. They are almost universally set in a sort of post-apocalyptic dystopia. I later realized, I find them comforting and familiar, probably because I live there, at least in my inner life. Perhaps things are not as bleak as they seem, or perhaps I am simply learning to keep a better attitude. This is the chronicle of my adventures. May you find something valuable here.

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