I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I posted anything.
I have been busy being manic. Which pretty much means I have been busy vibrating at a high frequency but not able to focus and getting nothing done.
I thought bipolar people are supposed to enjoy our manic phase, but I find mine annoying. When I am in the down cycle, all I can do is get through the day so I stay out of trouble. When I’m in the up cycle, well, full of ideas and intention and plans and and and . . . so none of it gets finished because, oooooh, shiny.
I call it down the rabbit hole; my therapist calls it going down the bunny trail. It feels more like the rabbit hole though and if that makes you think of Alice in Wonderland, well, it should. When I’m manic, I spend a LOT more time down the rabbit hole.
I have made some amazing art. On the other hand, I have no income because I’ve been off work to get the meds settled. I think we’ve gotten there and I go back to work in 5 days but it still seems like forever from now. I never thought I’d miss work, but I do.
A friend of mine says, the next time I get stuck in my own head, I should let her know so she can play along. I replied that nobody really wants to be in my head with me, and some days even I don’t want to be there, and it’s true. My head seems to be full of unpleasantness and some days it’s all I can think about. I try not to follow those thoughts, it’s not productive.
Doctor says I am also ADD. He said that not all ADDs are bipolar, but almost all bipolars are also ADD. Maybe ADD is just bipolar with no down, like bipolar 2 seems like bipolar with no real high. Maybe not.
But I am SO looking forward to ladies’ lunch with my work friends on Friday and I will be happy to go back to work on Monday.